Dreary Monday

Does anybody know the sensation of waking up, feeling as if you'd been lying on a stony road all night long, and the 10th Legion (Victrix Gloriosa) had marched all over you?
Well, that was exactly how I was feeling this morning, and it hasn't improved much. A bit maybe, probably due to shower and teeth-cleaning and a bit of lunch. Gah. I hate feeling like that.

Had to go to an immensely boring meeting at 11, instead of my boss who had some other very, very important appointment. It was all I could do not to fall asleep during the meeting. Well, I also did some mental Orpheus-plotting, including an examination of what I've written so far. Still can't think of any plot holes. That, however, is the nature of plot holes: they're better visible to readers than authors. Anyway, I think it's safe to post ch.20 now. In case plot holes suddenly become visible, please cast Petrificus Totalus and send them to me post haste. They will be dealt with ruthlessly and brutally.

Oh, speaking of brutality: if any of you had any doubts about the Cornelius-icon, he's yawning, not screaming his lungs out. And he went into that paper bag of his own volition. :)

( Orpheus 20 )

Now this is really, really embarrassing...

I know who wrote me, but I don't know who she is :(
( The author whose quill I sprang from )

Scuttles off to google Flannery O'Connor

C'est l'heure magique du Badfic...

Wa-hooooo! Wa-hooo! Mary Sue alert!

Another of those pointless questions I’m often asking myself concerns the total lack of shame of authors with regard to their Mary Sues. I mean, if I had written a Snape/Mary Sue fic, I certainly wouldn’t call the girl Susanna or Pigwidgeon37 (yeah, I know, the latter is pretty unlikely, too reminiscent of Snape/owl bestiality and the number of poor little birdies he’s already used up. Urgh.) I’d call her Paula Lipton, or Helen Brown. But I wouldn’t give her my own name, no, no, I wouldn’t.

This author, though, knows of no such scruples. The Woman Who Makes Snape’s Black Heart Throb (has anybody ever considered using the word penisthrob or cockthrob instead of heartthrob?) answers to the name of Shannon which incidentally is also part of the author’s penname. Do I have to add that the second part of said penname suggests that the author is united in wedlock to the dour Potions Master?

Though he had said that he would stay as far away as humanly possible from her, he still ached to ask questions that burned his mentality to a crisp.
This quote proves that a thesaurus, yielded by inexpert hands, is indeed a dangerous weapon.

Form the same fic: Severus glanced sideways to look at the coffee table next to the chair and the small glass of liquor sitting innocently on it. He flaggingly picked up the drink, being as he was already in somewhat of a drunken and abstracted stupor.
Qualifiers, another deadly weapon in the budding writer’s hands. Beware! Reading this might burn your mentality to a crisp.

This, too, has a certain waaaaaaah!quality. "You were expecting to see something else, Snape?" Shannon finally gave to the words that had wanted to ooze from her mouth.
Drooling Mary Sue. Drooling qualifiers, all over the carpet. Yuck.

And now, before wandering off to tear apart another fic, let’s have a look at the epilogue. It’s… well, see for yourselves. But I won’t take the blame if you retch all over your keyboards. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
As she scribbled these last few words onto the parchment, Shannon looked up at her husband and their seven year old daughter Shakira. Severus was swinging her around by her wrists and she was happily screaming for more. […]Shannon looked up over her dark sunglasses at her husband and her daughter and laughed as they called her over to them. Shakira ran over to the new pool and jumped in with a huge splash. Severus smiled adoringly at the little girl who looked just like her mother. […]Shakira had gotten out of the pool and was running back over to her father and was rewarded with bear hug. Putting the parchment and frayed quill down, she placed her hands over her round belly. The baby had gotten big within the last few months, but she was still a two months from the beginning of her third trimester.
Shakira—this is going to haunt me, I’m sure.


Just another pointless question in between: have you ever heard of this crime? “ rated R for slight rape later on! Slight rape… Hmm… I wish I knew what that is.

The next one is incredibly, hair-raisingly silly. But I swear I didn’t make it up myself. It’s real, it’s there. Unfortunately. ATTENTION: SLASH. Just skip the rest of this entry if you don’t like it. (But, boy, will you be missing something!)

Summary: This is a fanfic between Snape’s lust for his android. Snape is age 49 and this android is male shaped and atomically correct. Snape devises a plan to make his android obey him and follow his sexual orders.
Don’t you already love it?

More? OK, if you’re sure you can take it…
Snape yet continued to wonder about the possibilities with the robot. Snape then got a brilliant
idea. Snape removed his night pants and boxers. He took his cock and dipped it in the ice cream.
Brilliant? I say, give the man the Nobel Prize!

BTW, the android’s name is Ice. If you’ve read this far without fainting, you might want to know.
Ice took off his shirt on his own. Snape dipped Ice’s cock in ice cream after Snape switched areas with Ice. Ice was now laying on the bed. Snape licked Ice’s private ever so passionately.

This is irresistible. Really. Somebody on my friends list compared badfic-reading to watching road accidents: it’s horrible and you know you shouldn’t, but you just can’t look away.
Snape kissed him. Pressing his body forward, their erections touched. Ice felt this new feeling. Ice’s cock was at least 3 inches shorter than Snape’s 9 inch erection.

OK, I promise this is the last one. Oh, ickyness…
Snape laid down on his stomach. He also spread his legs and spread open his cheeks. “I have an opening that I entered you through,” Snape told Ice, “Give one hard thrust and you will penetrate me.” Ice leaned over Snape and held his own erection. He leaned forward and aimed his dick over Snape’s awaiting rosebud. With one large thrust, he penetrated Snape. Snape moaned loudly.
Rosebud… Citizen Kane… *faints*

Er, sorry. I know the last one was supposed to be the last one, but then I hadn’t yet read this:
They kissed before bringing their bodies close together. Snape wrapped his penis (or the best he could) around Ice’s and they fell asleep.

Kudos to you if you’ve made it this far. I know I’ll have trouble sleeping. My nightmares will be haunted by a throbbing rosebud called Shakira. Or somesuch.

And yet another entry--I love cluttering my friends' friends pages :)

But there's a good reason (isn't there always?)
Hayseed has published a new story on ff.net.
Plus, I've managed a Lucius-only icon. Tehee. He SO hates being photgraphed, poor boy.