Back, and exhausted
Jun. 13th, 2007 12:02 pmFirst of all, a very happy - not to mention very belated - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! to ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
scatteredlogic
And a heartfelt THANK YOU to all you lovelies who commented on my last entry.
So, I came back from Vienna on Monday. With very mixed feelings.
I think that the main sensation was (and still is) one of defeat. It's hard to acknowledge that my love is weaker than my father's egoism, i.e. that my mother insists she doesn't want to go on rehab, when it is, however, clear that she doesn't want to go because of my father.
Then again, my mother is in full possession of her mental faculties, and I refuse to sink as low as employing emotional blackmail. I know I could force her, if i wanted to, but that's the last thing she needs from me, since she already gets plenty of it from her husband.
Anyway, accepting this situation as it is and not being angry with her isn't easy. Maybe not so much angry as disappointed. But if you really love somebody, you have to accept them as they are, warts and all, even if it hurts from time to time.
I'm sounding very wise and grown-up, aren't I? *sighs* Well, I'm trying to do my best. The exhaustion I was feeling during the last 2 days, though, certainly comes from having to cope with all those feelings. Sleep is my mechanism of healing, comfort and flight, and so I'm sleeping a lot - I know from experience that it helps, because the dreams are weird and unsettling, which seems to be the best way for my psyche to sort out its problems.
Ze Boyz are fine and didn't even snub me when I came home, which made me feel better immediately. In other and not-so-good news, Gabriele's cat Mal'chik seems to have FIP (Feline Infectious Peritonitis). That's horrible news, because it means that Sophie, his female companion, has probably got it as well, and it's incurable. Some doctors say it's possible to keep it at bay, for a while, with regular cortisone doses, but that doesn't always work. Poor Gabriele is of course in a very bad state.
It seems that there won't be too much to do today, so I hope I'll be able to catch up with all that wonderful exchange fic.
scatteredlogicAnd a heartfelt THANK YOU to all you lovelies who commented on my last entry.
So, I came back from Vienna on Monday. With very mixed feelings.
I think that the main sensation was (and still is) one of defeat. It's hard to acknowledge that my love is weaker than my father's egoism, i.e. that my mother insists she doesn't want to go on rehab, when it is, however, clear that she doesn't want to go because of my father.
Then again, my mother is in full possession of her mental faculties, and I refuse to sink as low as employing emotional blackmail. I know I could force her, if i wanted to, but that's the last thing she needs from me, since she already gets plenty of it from her husband.
Anyway, accepting this situation as it is and not being angry with her isn't easy. Maybe not so much angry as disappointed. But if you really love somebody, you have to accept them as they are, warts and all, even if it hurts from time to time.
I'm sounding very wise and grown-up, aren't I? *sighs* Well, I'm trying to do my best. The exhaustion I was feeling during the last 2 days, though, certainly comes from having to cope with all those feelings. Sleep is my mechanism of healing, comfort and flight, and so I'm sleeping a lot - I know from experience that it helps, because the dreams are weird and unsettling, which seems to be the best way for my psyche to sort out its problems.
Ze Boyz are fine and didn't even snub me when I came home, which made me feel better immediately. In other and not-so-good news, Gabriele's cat Mal'chik seems to have FIP (Feline Infectious Peritonitis). That's horrible news, because it means that Sophie, his female companion, has probably got it as well, and it's incurable. Some doctors say it's possible to keep it at bay, for a while, with regular cortisone doses, but that doesn't always work. Poor Gabriele is of course in a very bad state.
It seems that there won't be too much to do today, so I hope I'll be able to catch up with all that wonderful exchange fic.
