Sep. 16th, 2010

mybackup2022: (Default)
...but still didn't get more than 5 hrs sleep. I don't have a hangover -- two rakia, one before and one after eating, and maybe half a bottle of red wine -- but am feeling veeery tired. Allowed myself to be late for work today. Unfortunately there isn't much else I can allow myself, although I have a feeling I might end up having a nap in the 2nd floor common room today. Well, that's what I bought the couch for.

Last night's dinner was great, both food- and company-wise. When we said goodbye, the director of the Federal Criminal Office said, "You'll have to forgive me, but I feel this urge to kiss you". Chastely on both cheeks of course. As did the other three. Stefan felt compelled to lift me up and spin me around, and I destroyed every last shred of the illusion that I might be a lady by saying, "Ouch, you're squeezing my tits!" He was, though.
I'm glad it was such a success, because if the guests have a great time when hosted by the Embassy, it reflects positively on Stefan. The ministries of Interior and Foreign Affairs aren't exactly best buddies, so every demonstration of excellent cooperation, good working climate etc.etc. is very much appreciated.

So tonight I have to go to two dinners, one at 7.30 and the other at 8.30. I don't really see myself as a dinner-hopper, but every once in a while it can be done. Blerim, our driver, will have to take me to the first and then from the first to the second -- the restaurants are at an awkward distance, i.e. too long to walk with high heels but too short for taking a taxi -- and then he can go home. He gets paid for overtime, though, and there hasn't been much of that so far, so it's ok. He'll be home by 9, which is a decent hour.
In spite of yesterday's outcry, I think my Mr H-immunity is still largely intact, but tonight will definitely be the acid test. There's a difference between being seated at the same conference table, 5 metres apart, and sitting at the same table having fun and sharing a meal. Maybe I'll just fall asleep. Well, probably not. Oh well, I'm just going to see what happens. No use fretting too much.

OK, shower now, and the usual lowly chores in the service of ze boyz.

ETA at 10.30: am completely useless today. Speaking abilities severely impaired (pity the boss isn't here, he'd love to see me silent) insofar as I can't seem to speak in straight sentences. Vesna, the lovely woman, brought me breakfast: lovingly taosted and buttered pieces of toast with the absolutely yummiest plum jam (made by herself) I've ever eaten. Almost no sugar, cinnamon, pure plum delight. Quarterly report not possible today. Have put tennis forward to 4 p.m. instead of 4.30 -- less time wasted doing nothing at work, a bit more time to prepare for dinner. Dinners. Whatever. At least I know what I'm going to wear, so no outfit crisis should occur on top of the terminal tiredness.
mybackup2022: (Default)
Is there a name for a state between susceptibility/vulnerability and immunity? That's where I am right now, still a little closer to immunity, but not much.
OK, puns and jokes and self-irony (which I do appreciate a lot) aside, it's... difficult.
It's difficult when you arrive last and he makes people change places so you sit right next to him, "because we haven't seen much of each other lately and we really should talk a bit".
It's difficult to be d'un certain age, and being single, and spending 3 hours next to a man you think might just be right for you.
It's difficult to realize, once again, that the guy has just the same sense of humour.
It's difficult to persuade yourself that you're just projecting your own wished on him, when you fel the sparks fly.

I'm not sad, and I'm not depressed, and it's not just the hormones either. It's just a deep feeling of longing for something I don't have but which I crave, and that something is currently being embodied by Mr H. Who might be a bastard and a Ron/Hermione shipper and all kinds of off-putting things, but... as I said it's difficult.

It was a lovely evening, and my Turkish counterpart is an exceedingly nice woman, and James, the new guy at [...]'s [...] department is lovely, too.

Well, that's it in a nutshell.
A nightcap, and I'll be off to bed.

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