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A definitely whiny post
Sep. 13th, 2011 11:56 amSorry, really. But sometimes I need to whine, and whinge, and feel sorry for myself, and today is just such a day.
Yuck. I hate that kind of day.
Other people get winter depression, I get summer depression. Make no mistake, I like summer and I like being outdoors and all, I really do, but it's been ten fucking weeks without a drop of rain. It's hot during the day, and the nights are warm again, and I hate!hate!hate! it.
This said, I'm not sure whether it's just summer-related. I'm feeling so totally unmotivated and heavy -- I have to pull myself together every day so as to do what I have to do, when all I really want is to stay home and sleep (which would merely make it worse, which is why I continue to pull myself together).
Maybe -- and yes, now we're definitely crossing the line from whining to hubris -- it's partly due to the fact that I've been working for almost half my life. I know, I know. It's a luxury, having a secure job, which is interesting and well paid to boot. I really do know, and I appreciate it. But I have a suspicion that the same-ness is wearing me down. Every day starts -- has to start -- in the same way, which is also reassuring, but there have been so many days, and there will be so many more.
So that's the current state of the PW, and I can't say I'm happy with it. The problem is, I have no idea what to do about it. Somehow I don't think that a long holiday would solve the problem, apart from the fact that I can't have one right now or, let's be realistic, before the end of November. I can't change the morning routine either; I have to get up and shower and care for the critters, so that's a given, and I need lots of time in the morning, so I can't sleep longer, and work starts at 8 a.m., so I have to be there at 8 a.m., period.
Work is... Well, I've also fallen into the laziness trap -- you know, the lack of work during the summer months, which doesn't exactly motivate me, and then it's quite difficult to get back into the normal rhythm, and let's be honest, there isn't such a lot to do right now either. This, however, makes me reluctant to do the things that must be done, so I procrastinate and that, in turn, makes me feel bad.
Pathetic, isn't it? Almost 47, and I'm still like that.
Besides, feeling this way makes me want to escape, and in order to do so, I read. Severe ASOIAF addiction here, f-listers. You have no idea -- or maybe you do -- how difficult it is to withstand the temptation to call in sick, make a big pot of coffee and dive into that world to follow the adventures of the Starks, the Lannisters and all the others. It's horribly, horribly difficult.
BTW, am I the only one to perceive a certain similarity between Jaime Lannister and Lucius Malfoy? I'm growing rather fond of Jaime, which probably means that the author is going to knock him off soon. *sighs*
I guess that's enough whining for one day.
Thanks for bearing with me! *smooches f-list*
Yuck. I hate that kind of day.
Other people get winter depression, I get summer depression. Make no mistake, I like summer and I like being outdoors and all, I really do, but it's been ten fucking weeks without a drop of rain. It's hot during the day, and the nights are warm again, and I hate!hate!hate! it.
This said, I'm not sure whether it's just summer-related. I'm feeling so totally unmotivated and heavy -- I have to pull myself together every day so as to do what I have to do, when all I really want is to stay home and sleep (which would merely make it worse, which is why I continue to pull myself together).
Maybe -- and yes, now we're definitely crossing the line from whining to hubris -- it's partly due to the fact that I've been working for almost half my life. I know, I know. It's a luxury, having a secure job, which is interesting and well paid to boot. I really do know, and I appreciate it. But I have a suspicion that the same-ness is wearing me down. Every day starts -- has to start -- in the same way, which is also reassuring, but there have been so many days, and there will be so many more.
So that's the current state of the PW, and I can't say I'm happy with it. The problem is, I have no idea what to do about it. Somehow I don't think that a long holiday would solve the problem, apart from the fact that I can't have one right now or, let's be realistic, before the end of November. I can't change the morning routine either; I have to get up and shower and care for the critters, so that's a given, and I need lots of time in the morning, so I can't sleep longer, and work starts at 8 a.m., so I have to be there at 8 a.m., period.
Work is... Well, I've also fallen into the laziness trap -- you know, the lack of work during the summer months, which doesn't exactly motivate me, and then it's quite difficult to get back into the normal rhythm, and let's be honest, there isn't such a lot to do right now either. This, however, makes me reluctant to do the things that must be done, so I procrastinate and that, in turn, makes me feel bad.
Pathetic, isn't it? Almost 47, and I'm still like that.
Besides, feeling this way makes me want to escape, and in order to do so, I read. Severe ASOIAF addiction here, f-listers. You have no idea -- or maybe you do -- how difficult it is to withstand the temptation to call in sick, make a big pot of coffee and dive into that world to follow the adventures of the Starks, the Lannisters and all the others. It's horribly, horribly difficult.
BTW, am I the only one to perceive a certain similarity between Jaime Lannister and Lucius Malfoy? I'm growing rather fond of Jaime, which probably means that the author is going to knock him off soon. *sighs*
I guess that's enough whining for one day.
Thanks for bearing with me! *smooches f-list*
