Quotes, anyone?

Monday morning at the office tends to put me in a bitchy mood. Bitchy enough to go badfic-quote hunting. *cackles evilly* Anyway, for those of you who might have moral scruples about enjoying yourselves at the expense of others, remember that all quotes are taken from stories that have been either completed or updated a long time ago, so that authors and stories are relatively safe from being recognized.

After this singularly hypocritical introduction, let us proceed to quotes #1 and 2, which both demonstrate that Hermione is able to stand up to Snape in a mature, straightforward manner. Confronted with this mix of beauty and wits, what can a Potions master do but fall in love with the witch, greasy head over Achilles heel?

#1: “You are such the typical pig! I’m sitting here bawling my eyes out before you and you have the audacity to bring me here inside your office, ignore me and then proceed to get yourself water, without even offering me any! What if I were dehydrated?”
What, indeed? Is Snape really so cruel or--gasp!--doesn't the man know that people have died of bawling-induced dehydration? The reader shakes his or her head, wondering whether--sizzling erotic tension aside--Hermione will ever be able to find happiness at the side of such a callous person.

#2: “Professor, you’re full of bull-shit. There’s not a person in this world who gives a damn about me, and you know it.” Her words had stung through the chilly air, and quickly at that, as they met his ear.
This quote is remarkable not only for the stunning subtlety of Hermione's words, but also for the poetic intensity of the metaphor. Or are there still people ignorant of the fact that sound speed varies according to the speaker's mood?

Quote #3 informs us that Snape has a town. Yes, we know that, thanks to Benjamin Britten. But, did we know that Snape is not only heaven but also gentle?

#3: “Hermione…” his voice flowed from his lips like liquidy silver unicorn blood, as it floated to her ears. The gentleness in his town made her weak in the knees.
It might be of more than passing interest that the author of quote #2 is not the same as the author of quote #3. Both, however, are quite... er, adept at creating hair-raising descriptions of the voyage of words from mouth to tympanum.

Hermione's age, or lack thereof, is often the reason for many an angry outburst from readers who dislike the HG/SS ship because of the age difference. Dare I ask how they'd react to this?

#4: "Her body was going painfully stiff and needed to be rejuvenated by the touch of a man."

Just to complete the picture: she's in her seventh year. But there seems to be method to this madness--the following quote explains why she yearns for rejuvenation:

#5: “I want this, for seven years I’ve wanted this, please…”

Precocious brat! In his laudable attempts at rejuvenating his stiff soon-to-be-mistress, Snape goes a bit too far, though. He actually takes her back to a stage of her life where she hadn't even learned how to count:

#6:“Deflower me,” she panted in one word.

I will, however, allow for the possibility that the author might have been the one who underwent successful rejuvenation.

The next quote is very funny, in that a small typo produces the interesting variety of Rural!Hermione.

#7: Her hair, now crimped with waves, fell freely to her shoulders, farming her face quite nicely.

And finally, a heavily innuendo-laden summary:

#8: When Snape meets the new DADA teacher, many things arise....

Foolish wand-waving, indeed...