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Aaaaaah... Quotes!
Sep. 8th, 2003 12:52 pmAbout time, wasn't it? I feel the irresistible urge to analyse a--sadly unfinished--masterpiece. One of those which make my heart beat faster and my adrenaline level jump to hitherto unknown heights.
As per usual, neither author nor title will be disclosed.
The beginning is, to say the least, powerful:
A girl sat in front of the fireplace watching the dancing flames, though it was summer the nights were terribly cold. She heard a knock on the door and got up to answer it. When she opened the door there standing in front of her was the last person she would’ve imagined.
Three guesses as to who the unimaginable and unimagined person is. Yes, it's Snape. And the girl is... *fanfares* Hermione Granger!!!!
So. Why is Snape there? Where is 'there'? Don't ask--the answers are, and remain, shrouded in mystery.
Anyway, Snape wants her to pack her things and leave. Hermione objects and tries to slam the door into his face. But he is quicker and instead slams the door into her face. She falls to the floor. Aaaaaaah! Wouldn't that be the ideal moment for him to--
Snape reached down , picked her up and carried her to the couch.
Well done, Professor Snape. 100 points to Slytherin for well-timed chivalry. Unfortunately, points must be taken because of the following Author's Note:
(A/N: he carried her princess style)
Whatever that may signify.
Then, he orders her to sleep, which she does. Thus ends the first chapter (about 200 words).
The second chapter, which is a bit longer, is also literally bursting with suspense. See for yourselves:
Hermione woke to the smell of coffee and with a huge headache. She looked around and saw she was still at home. *Maybe I imagined it all, mom’s in the kitchen making breakfast.* She pushed the blanket away and ran into the kitchen only to find Professor Snape sitting at the table. *I guess it wasn’t a dream, then that means mom is…..* “Ahh Ms. Granger I see your awake”, he said without looking at her. Hermione glared at the back of his head.
What a world of possibilities hidden behind five small points. 'that means mom is.....' The readers' imagination runs wild. Is mom outside washing the car? Is mom still trying to cut the neighbour she slaughtered last night into pieces with a chainsaw? Is mom--gasp!--dead? And what does Hermione do to alleviate the unbearable tension of the situation? Does she joke, "No, Professor, you can't see my awake, because my cousin borrowed it?" Of course she doesn't. She glares at the back of his head, as if that would bring a solution.
She does, however, have some presence of mind left, at least enough to give Snape a cast-iron reason why she can't leave the house:
“I cant leave the house who will pay the rent, and if I don’t the bank will take the house.”
But Dumbledore, being the omniscient, omnipotent, omniannoying old man he is, has already taken care of everything. For reasons probably unknown even to him (and certainly to the author), he has also decreed that Hermione has to stay--gasp! squeal! jump!--with... *fanfare* Snape!!!!!! But why? Why, ye gods, WHY????
“I was the one closest to you at the moment, and I live somewhere far away?”
Hermione is understandably flattened by this argument, tears form in her eyes. Ha! Wouldn't this be the ideal moment for him to--
Snape wanted to bring her into his arms and make the pained look go away.
So he isn't the cold-hearted bastard everybody believes him to be! Didn't we know it? DIDN'T we? Ha! Here's the proof.
Hermione shrinks and packs her belongings (among other things, a "boom box", which I hope is a broom box. Or the author, due to a momentary blackout, didn't remember the word 'stereo'). But isn't there something she forgot? Of COURSE! Crookshanks! The author manages to turn this into a little gem of stunning wit:
“Crookshanks Oh! Crookshanks where are you?”, Hermione yelled out. “Who or what is a Crookshanks?” “Didn’t you know I have a cat.” “A..Ca..Ca..CAT?!?!?” he stuttered rushing to the door just as Crookshanks jumped onto his shoulder. Snape sneezed loudly.
Is any reader able to withstand the comic impact of this scene? I think not. But beware, readers, gird your loins and steel your diaphragms! It's getting even funnier!
(A/N: remember through this whole convo Crookshanks is on Snape’s shoulder.)
“Professor?”
“Yes?”
“Where do you live?”
“Los Angeles-”
“As in California?”
“Yes-”
“As in America?”
“Yes.”
“Professor?”
“Yes Ms.Granger?”
“How will we get there?”
“I will apparate us there unless you would want me to make a portkey”
“Which ever is easier for you.”
“Grab that cat and lets apparate.”
When a young girl of sixteen grabs a cat, how can a man of thirty-seven resist the storm of hormones unleashed by that endearing sight?
Snape looked down at her she never realized how beautiful she had become. She wasn’t that annoying know-it-all she was in her first year. Her hair no longer bushy but in silky ringlets that fell to the small of her back, her skin a nice tanned brown, she had curves in all the right places. *She’s so beautiful*he thought. *Where did that come from?* He hesitated, but reached for her hand. He felt the warmth of her hand rush up his arm and warm his heart which started to beat faster. His knees grew weak but he found his mind.
His knees grew weak but he found his mind. Oh, outstanding example of stalwart manly steadfastness!!
But the dramatic tension increases exponentially. Snape makes the mistake of mentioning Hermione's parents, which makes her cry, which makes him pull her into a firm embrace, intent only on getting her out of 'there' (we still don't know where 'there' is--not that it's important, as they're going to L.A. anyway) and--shock! gasp! scream!!
He pulled her closer and with a pop they were gone, leaving poor Crookshanks behind.
And that's where the story ends. I unashamedly confess that I'm in tears. Poor, poor Crookshanks!
After this tragedy, some comic relief would be much appreciated. Hence, a selection of reviews (43 all in all) for this story:
"I think your story is wonderful so far. And I will definately continue to read it as long as you write. Cant wait to read more."
"not bad dont worry about dates just try your best to add in details but dont overdue it."
"this story does NOT suck whoever sent you the flame is just jealous cause they cant write as good a storyu as you can"
"This story does not suck, I have read bad stories and this is not one of them. Add a little more character detail, but do not stop writing it bvecause someone did not care for it. I loved it personally. Look forward to reading more."
AND, A JEWEL (wouldn't kaz be glad?) "Hi i read the first chapter but the second chapter comes up story does not exist I also read your review you have 8 review that say they like your story and only 1 bad review some people can be quite cruel and I think that reviewer was one of those people. Any way I have read a lot of SS/HG stories and some of them are really really bad yours is not bad no it is not one of the great ones like falling further in... but I would continue to keep up with it. The story seems to be progressing nicely. In all other words write for your self not all reviews will be good but you can't please every one hang in there"
As per usual, neither author nor title will be disclosed.
The beginning is, to say the least, powerful:
A girl sat in front of the fireplace watching the dancing flames, though it was summer the nights were terribly cold. She heard a knock on the door and got up to answer it. When she opened the door there standing in front of her was the last person she would’ve imagined.
Three guesses as to who the unimaginable and unimagined person is. Yes, it's Snape. And the girl is... *fanfares* Hermione Granger!!!!
So. Why is Snape there? Where is 'there'? Don't ask--the answers are, and remain, shrouded in mystery.
Anyway, Snape wants her to pack her things and leave. Hermione objects and tries to slam the door into his face. But he is quicker and instead slams the door into her face. She falls to the floor. Aaaaaaah! Wouldn't that be the ideal moment for him to--
Snape reached down , picked her up and carried her to the couch.
Well done, Professor Snape. 100 points to Slytherin for well-timed chivalry. Unfortunately, points must be taken because of the following Author's Note:
(A/N: he carried her princess style)
Whatever that may signify.
Then, he orders her to sleep, which she does. Thus ends the first chapter (about 200 words).
The second chapter, which is a bit longer, is also literally bursting with suspense. See for yourselves:
Hermione woke to the smell of coffee and with a huge headache. She looked around and saw she was still at home. *Maybe I imagined it all, mom’s in the kitchen making breakfast.* She pushed the blanket away and ran into the kitchen only to find Professor Snape sitting at the table. *I guess it wasn’t a dream, then that means mom is…..* “Ahh Ms. Granger I see your awake”, he said without looking at her. Hermione glared at the back of his head.
What a world of possibilities hidden behind five small points. 'that means mom is.....' The readers' imagination runs wild. Is mom outside washing the car? Is mom still trying to cut the neighbour she slaughtered last night into pieces with a chainsaw? Is mom--gasp!--dead? And what does Hermione do to alleviate the unbearable tension of the situation? Does she joke, "No, Professor, you can't see my awake, because my cousin borrowed it?" Of course she doesn't. She glares at the back of his head, as if that would bring a solution.
She does, however, have some presence of mind left, at least enough to give Snape a cast-iron reason why she can't leave the house:
“I cant leave the house who will pay the rent, and if I don’t the bank will take the house.”
But Dumbledore, being the omniscient, omnipotent, omniannoying old man he is, has already taken care of everything. For reasons probably unknown even to him (and certainly to the author), he has also decreed that Hermione has to stay--gasp! squeal! jump!--with... *fanfare* Snape!!!!!! But why? Why, ye gods, WHY????
“I was the one closest to you at the moment, and I live somewhere far away?”
Hermione is understandably flattened by this argument, tears form in her eyes. Ha! Wouldn't this be the ideal moment for him to--
Snape wanted to bring her into his arms and make the pained look go away.
So he isn't the cold-hearted bastard everybody believes him to be! Didn't we know it? DIDN'T we? Ha! Here's the proof.
Hermione shrinks and packs her belongings (among other things, a "boom box", which I hope is a broom box. Or the author, due to a momentary blackout, didn't remember the word 'stereo'). But isn't there something she forgot? Of COURSE! Crookshanks! The author manages to turn this into a little gem of stunning wit:
“Crookshanks Oh! Crookshanks where are you?”, Hermione yelled out. “Who or what is a Crookshanks?” “Didn’t you know I have a cat.” “A..Ca..Ca..CAT?!?!?” he stuttered rushing to the door just as Crookshanks jumped onto his shoulder. Snape sneezed loudly.
Is any reader able to withstand the comic impact of this scene? I think not. But beware, readers, gird your loins and steel your diaphragms! It's getting even funnier!
(A/N: remember through this whole convo Crookshanks is on Snape’s shoulder.)
“Professor?”
“Yes?”
“Where do you live?”
“Los Angeles-”
“As in California?”
“Yes-”
“As in America?”
“Yes.”
“Professor?”
“Yes Ms.Granger?”
“How will we get there?”
“I will apparate us there unless you would want me to make a portkey”
“Which ever is easier for you.”
“Grab that cat and lets apparate.”
When a young girl of sixteen grabs a cat, how can a man of thirty-seven resist the storm of hormones unleashed by that endearing sight?
Snape looked down at her she never realized how beautiful she had become. She wasn’t that annoying know-it-all she was in her first year. Her hair no longer bushy but in silky ringlets that fell to the small of her back, her skin a nice tanned brown, she had curves in all the right places. *She’s so beautiful*he thought. *Where did that come from?* He hesitated, but reached for her hand. He felt the warmth of her hand rush up his arm and warm his heart which started to beat faster. His knees grew weak but he found his mind.
His knees grew weak but he found his mind. Oh, outstanding example of stalwart manly steadfastness!!
But the dramatic tension increases exponentially. Snape makes the mistake of mentioning Hermione's parents, which makes her cry, which makes him pull her into a firm embrace, intent only on getting her out of 'there' (we still don't know where 'there' is--not that it's important, as they're going to L.A. anyway) and--shock! gasp! scream!!
He pulled her closer and with a pop they were gone, leaving poor Crookshanks behind.
And that's where the story ends. I unashamedly confess that I'm in tears. Poor, poor Crookshanks!
After this tragedy, some comic relief would be much appreciated. Hence, a selection of reviews (43 all in all) for this story:
"I think your story is wonderful so far. And I will definately continue to read it as long as you write. Cant wait to read more."
"not bad dont worry about dates just try your best to add in details but dont overdue it."
"this story does NOT suck whoever sent you the flame is just jealous cause they cant write as good a storyu as you can"
"This story does not suck, I have read bad stories and this is not one of them. Add a little more character detail, but do not stop writing it bvecause someone did not care for it. I loved it personally. Look forward to reading more."
AND, A JEWEL (wouldn't kaz be glad?) "Hi i read the first chapter but the second chapter comes up story does not exist I also read your review you have 8 review that say they like your story and only 1 bad review some people can be quite cruel and I think that reviewer was one of those people. Any way I have read a lot of SS/HG stories and some of them are really really bad yours is not bad no it is not one of the great ones like falling further in... but I would continue to keep up with it. The story seems to be progressing nicely. In all other words write for your self not all reviews will be good but you can't please every one hang in there"
