Ah, the peace...

I decided to do myself a favour and cancel my participation in the retirement celebration for a person I only know very passingly. Felt a little bad about it, but sensation of relief and improvement of mood afterwards totally justified it.
So I stayed home (it started snowing again this morning, which was an additional reason) and indulged in extended beauty programme (the big one, complete with eyebrow-plucking). Then did a bit of drawing while listening to the radio (excellent comparison of different recordings of Beethoven's 5th, with conductors from Bruno Walter to Nikolaus Harnoncourt). And now I think I'm going to work on the Lucius/Ginny fic.
Tomorrow, a mixed Austrian-Italian couple of friends is coming to dinner. I already wrote the shopping list, so I won't forget anything. I hate having to return to the grocery merely because I forgot the garlic or some other small item. There'll be a mixed fish starter, then the lovely chicken with herbs I tried out 2 days ago. Although an excellent cook (if I say so myself *snort*) I'm crap at sweets, so there's going to be fruit salad and some (bought) petits fours to go with the coffee.

Query: why don't they pay me for being on holiday and creative?

We finds another jewel, preciousss...

So let's be bitchy again, and present a few badfic quotes.

First, the statistical data: the fic has 3 chapters with a total of 770 words. Even considering that the last chapter consists of only 11 words, namely the extremely snort-worthy appeal "Inspire me my readers without you this story will not continue ", the first two aren't very long.
But full of gems, like the Malfoys' Gringott's vault.

Hermione ran as fast as she could, not even stopping to put on any shoes, barely pausing long enough to grab her hoodie and her wand. She ran across roads bumping into only one person and not even stopping to say 'sorry'.

This is the dramatic beginning. Later on, the breathless reader learns that Hermione's parents have just been machine-gunned to death in their living room. Even in the light of this information, Hermione's bad manners seem impardonable. I mean, if you bump into only one person, you can say sorry, can't you?
P.S.: What is a 'hoodie'???

She looked up at the intruders in her house they were both masked muggles, Hermione ran back around the corner hearing more clips being loaded, she ran back down to her basement bed room, she loved this room it had been carpeted and painted as soon as her family moved there so she could listen to her music as loud as it would go, she ran out of the door and ran for her life, her flannel pjs barely keeping her warm.

Some authors do have an amazing instinct for putting in the most unimportant details...


Then, the truly impressive description of a dream:
~~~DREAM~~~

In flashes.

Her graduation from Hogwarts, Harry's and Ron's faces when they smiled, Crookshanks, her parents and how they loved her. Every year she ever lived, all in reverse.

~~~END DREAM~~~

In flashes. You just have to love this.

As it turns out, Hermione has been taken right into the snake's den: Malfoy Manor, place of horrors unspoken and unspeakable, home of the notorious Death Eater of devastating charm:
Hermione turned as the door opened and froze as Lucius Malfoy walked through the door. Hermione jumped up as best she could and grabbed her wand off of the nightstand only to fall as her legs were to weak to hold her up. Lucius stepped forward and caught her before she hit the ground, setting her back on the bed. "be calm Hermione your still sick, you're at my manor, in your fit of running you knocked over Draco and he followed you and brought you here." Lucius was looking in her eyes the whole time he spoke, Hermione couldn't help but notice there silver blue look.

Aaaah, that's the stuff romance is made of. So promising. So imagination-stirring. But it ends there.

Now let's have a look at the reviews--very instructive, a paradigmatic example of constructive criticism taken badly. Really, I understand why people don't bother to give con crit.

First review:I adore this beginning. It's got everything a proper thriller fic should. Your flashbacks were appropriately positioned through the story, but your description in the very first paragraph was somewhat confusing, and you didn't exactly say much about the killer, or how Hermione felt. Little details like that. But your first chapter was sufficiently action-packed and I enjoyed reading it.

Second review:Hm...pretty good idea, but I have a few (friendly!) suggestions:
1.) Either check your work more carefully, or get someone to check it for you (beta read). In fact, if you wanted to email it to me, I'd be happy to be your beta reader. Just let me know; my email is under my profile.
2.) You may want to make your chapters longer. Maybe you could explain WHY two masked muggles had killed Hermione's parents. Robbery? Well, I guess that makes sense, since dentists would be rich. But, yeah, longer chapters, if you could...unless this was just an introduction?
I'll definatly read the next chapter when you post it. I can't wait to see what happens! Good luck.

I can hardly imagine how the reviewers could have expressed their thoughts more gently and considerately.

But:
This is really good. Don't worry about the rude people, they are just a few. There are several that like you stories. Just keep writing. :)

I'm really sorry to hear that you've gotten discouraged. It's too bad about rude people; I guess their mothers never taught them that if they haven't got anything nice to say, they shouldn't say anything at all! I think all you need is a beta reader; I'd be happy to do it for you, I'm a college english major. Even if you're not interested in my offer, don't give up! This story doesn't even have any bad reviews and I, for one, find it very interesting.

Just: aaaaargh!

Spamspamspam

I almost forgot to write the Snape/Mary Sue ficlet, involving a leash and ending in bad poetry, as prescribed by mctabby's diabolical meme.

Here it is. Since it's hair-raisingly bad and silly, I decided to put it behind a cut.

( In which Severus is married to Super-Mary-Sue and expresses himself lyrically )

Is there such a thing as Venomous Bunnies?

There must be, because ( this )

engendered ( this: )

*headdesk*