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Just a brief wave--I'm alive, more or less
Mar. 4th, 2004 12:29 pmPrepare yourselves, this is going to be a whiny, plaintive entry.
This has to be the shittiest time I've ever had in all the 40 years of my life. The shittiness is mostly physical, but it's beginning to wear me down and out emotionally as well.
Faithfully follwing the doctor's instructions--which BTW I believe to be sound and OK--I stopped taking my usual allergy medication on Monday, because she said the antihistamines would interfere with her treatment. So far so good. Since Monday, my nose is constantly dripping, which would be rather bearable. One doesn't die of a dripping nose, but it tends to have rather unaesthetic effects, as nose and upper lip are raw from constant use of tissues.
What is much worse is that I can't sleep more than 4 hours per night. Before going to bed, I dose myself with asthma spray (absolutely necessary, and permitted by doctor) and put some eucalyptus balm into my nose so I can breathe. But the effect lasts only four hours. Then I wake up because I can't breathe, have to get another dose of asthma spray and eucalyptus balm, and then the maximum I achieve is a very light slumber. Most of the time, though, I just lie there, waiting for my breathing to get back to normal and for my nose to stop dripping.
Last night I woke up at 3 a.m.--same ritual. And then I simply broke down, because I couldn't take it anymore, I was so desperate. I told myself, "Don't cry, or your nose is going to be blocked until doomsday," but of course it didn't help. So I sat in my bed, crying and sobbing, and feeling very, very lonely. 3 a.m. isn't a good time to call people and tell them you're feeling like shit.
To my surprise it helped, more than I had thought, probably because the crying at least released the tension that had been building during the last days and weeks. I even managed another bout of sleep from 4.30 to 6.00. Of course I'm looking like hell today--there's nothing worse for the face than crying until your eyes are swollen and then falling asleep.
Oh, and I forgot to mention another lovely detail. There are spots of something like an allergic rash on my forehead, more welts than a rash, actually. Itching and burning. And red. Not too visible, fortunately, but it's the sensation that's so annoying. As if my skin were allergic to itself.
I'm so terribly glad about my new job. There's a truly enormous workload, but that helps. I hardly have time to go to the loo, but that also means that the tiredness can't get a grip on me during the day.
I truly hope that the new medicine will take effect soon, because I'm not sure how long I can go on like this. Right now, things are looking a bit brighter, as always during the day. It's the nights, when all is calm and I want to sleep so badly but can't.
'Nuff whining.
There's work to do, lots of it.
This has to be the shittiest time I've ever had in all the 40 years of my life. The shittiness is mostly physical, but it's beginning to wear me down and out emotionally as well.
Faithfully follwing the doctor's instructions--which BTW I believe to be sound and OK--I stopped taking my usual allergy medication on Monday, because she said the antihistamines would interfere with her treatment. So far so good. Since Monday, my nose is constantly dripping, which would be rather bearable. One doesn't die of a dripping nose, but it tends to have rather unaesthetic effects, as nose and upper lip are raw from constant use of tissues.
What is much worse is that I can't sleep more than 4 hours per night. Before going to bed, I dose myself with asthma spray (absolutely necessary, and permitted by doctor) and put some eucalyptus balm into my nose so I can breathe. But the effect lasts only four hours. Then I wake up because I can't breathe, have to get another dose of asthma spray and eucalyptus balm, and then the maximum I achieve is a very light slumber. Most of the time, though, I just lie there, waiting for my breathing to get back to normal and for my nose to stop dripping.
Last night I woke up at 3 a.m.--same ritual. And then I simply broke down, because I couldn't take it anymore, I was so desperate. I told myself, "Don't cry, or your nose is going to be blocked until doomsday," but of course it didn't help. So I sat in my bed, crying and sobbing, and feeling very, very lonely. 3 a.m. isn't a good time to call people and tell them you're feeling like shit.
To my surprise it helped, more than I had thought, probably because the crying at least released the tension that had been building during the last days and weeks. I even managed another bout of sleep from 4.30 to 6.00. Of course I'm looking like hell today--there's nothing worse for the face than crying until your eyes are swollen and then falling asleep.
Oh, and I forgot to mention another lovely detail. There are spots of something like an allergic rash on my forehead, more welts than a rash, actually. Itching and burning. And red. Not too visible, fortunately, but it's the sensation that's so annoying. As if my skin were allergic to itself.
I'm so terribly glad about my new job. There's a truly enormous workload, but that helps. I hardly have time to go to the loo, but that also means that the tiredness can't get a grip on me during the day.
I truly hope that the new medicine will take effect soon, because I'm not sure how long I can go on like this. Right now, things are looking a bit brighter, as always during the day. It's the nights, when all is calm and I want to sleep so badly but can't.
'Nuff whining.
There's work to do, lots of it.
